Washington Rules

Courtesy of Al Kamen, Washington Post Staff Writer

Beleaguered voters seem confused and often outraged at the way Washington conducts business. That's because people on the outside don't understand how the game is played. Floating around the Hill, apparently for use as a training tool for new staff members, is a one-page guide entitled "Washington Rules" giving the basic rules that are key to effective play in Congress and throughout the government:

1. If it's worth fighting for, it's worth fighting dirty for.
   
2. Don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.
   
3. There is always one more son of a bitch than you counted on.
   
4. An honest answer can get you into a lot of trouble.
   
5. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
   
6. Chicken little only has to be right once.
   
7. "No" is only an interim response.
   
8. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
   
9. The truth is a variable.
   
10. A porcupine with his quills down is just another fat rodent.
    
11. You can agree with any concept or notional future option, in principle, but fight implementation every step of the way.
    
12. A promise is not a guarantee.
    
13. If you can't counter the argument, leave the meeting.